Sleepless in DFW

I'm currently in the DFW Airport's unbelievably gorgeous-shopping-centre-like D Terminal, waiting for my connecting flight to start boarding. I've been here since 9:15am. It's currently 12:03PM. My flight doesn't leave till 1:40PM. I've been passing the time by reading up on NACDS and any pertinent information I need to know because I am enroute to PHX to attend what is apparently the most prestigious conference in the (their) industry. If the tone of my writing seems tired and monotone, it would be because I didn't get any sleep last night :) I am surviving on pure endorphins and java, right now. It's a miracle I can even write and think!

I just couldn't sleep. Whenever something big and exciting like this is coming my way, I am just so caught in the excitement and the desire to be as prepared as possible that I drop all else (including sleep) and just think about it and prepare for it as much as I can. (Check out my article in my work-related blog, if you are an authorized reader ;)). Not that I didn't procrastinate. I could have been reading this material before bed and all that. But no. That's my "personal time." Might as well work during "travel time" if travel time is for work. Besides, I've been working long hours for my "day job." ;)

It's a Saturday today - yes, I am working, but yes, I can't complain. I don't think I deserve all these opportunities that have been given to me. Sometimes, I think it's too much. God's given me so much I don't deserve, I don't even know what to do sometimes! So a lot of the times, I'm too hard on myself. I realize that now. I have been given so much that I feel I must give even more in return, and I get disappointed when I find I can't give as much as I want to. It's hard to remember that all you have to do is give it your best and that should be enough; that's all you can do. Bleh. I SO want to do a good job - in this, in Bentonville, in life, in general. I see so much to improve in me, it's not even funny. It's so funny how I am so hardworking at work but I'm such a slacker in other things - I don't keep in touch as much with family and friends (including God), don't take as many chances as I should, don't love as recklessly as I should, don't hold back as much as I should... And I always wonder, how can one ever grow out of it? Out of the familiar shell they find so much comfort in? Is it simply change? The occurence of some cataclysmic event so that they are forced to adapt? I don't know. All I know is I so want to get there. I just don't know how.

BUT! I will learn.

(Dad? Brad? Are you there? ;) )

Maybe I should start praying, again.