Hardcore De-briefing

Man!!! That one month out and about must have taken a serious toll on me. I suppose it was a bit stressful to travel about AND work, just after a pinched nerve and oral surgery :) In fairness, I did travel through 3 different time zones and managed to acquire only little bits of sleep therein. I must be getting old, ha!

I really enjoyed travelling out there in New York and Vegas, but I must say I did miss my home. And this is going to sound pathetic - I missed my home a lot especially because I could work better there. There! I said it! Also, strangely enough, my last couple weeks on vacation, I got a painful pang about Austin. I miss it there. I feel like I'm missing out so much on important events surrounding people I love and care for: Brad's divorce, Capri's wedding, and the Christmas party with the gang. I didn't even get to do that. On top of all that, we are going through tremendous re-org right now, and several not-quite-rumors-but-facts have it that I will not be reporting to Brad very soon. Naturally, this pains me. But I know I also have to grow and I know Brad wants nothing less than growth for me, no matter what.

It's just all been a bit confusing lately.

Well, first of all, I really didn't get to rest as soon as I got home. I got home Sunday and then was hit by a flurry of Sales Meetings and other sales-related events Monday-Wednesday. And then I received various types of change-related emails Thursday-Friday. I feel quite demoted, honestly. Maybe it's just my pride; maybe it's just my depressed self. I think I am depressed post NY and LV even if I missed it back here. Who wouldn't be? With friends and family plus all sorts of things going around you 24/7, that's the place to be. I'm beginning to wonder if I am wasting my time behind this desk or if I am simply going through the motions because I know the future holds great things in store for me if I stick with this long enough. I don't know. I'm very confused right now.

Another thing that confuses me is the "reporting to" situation. I know Brad right now is trying to recover the team into a non-stop billing machine. From what I hear, there have been some issues revolving around other people. I know he's in survival mode. So it confuses me when he sort of tries to push me away (he's probably thinking he's helping me move on for when I officially start reporting to Tom or Bruce) and yet puts a hold on me to make sure I am at least 50% billing for the team. Now, it's like he's trying to micromanage everyone - including me - yet put some distance with me. It's quite a weird thing.

And yet another thing is Tom's sudden aggressive burst to pursue sales calls here in BV. I don't know if it's his way of making sure WE succeed or if it's his way of setting Dan and myself up for success or if it's his way of making sure HE succeeds. I don't know Tom well enough yet. I like him personally, but based on Brad's history with him, I am kind of cautious.

Sigh.

I am finding it very hard to motivate myself to work, right now. I owe so much time to my timesheet, it's not even funny. I feel like I'm sucking at work, right now, and that I am so far away. I feel like nothing's happening, and that nothing can be done. I feel like I'm just moving around and that I can't move and shake things.

It's most likely just one of those times for me. After all the uptimes, I suppose I should have expected some downtime.

Ah well, at least one thing stays clear. I am going to pursue my MBA next year come hell or high water.